Welcome to part two of a conversation about being awake between:

    Madam X                Suzanne Taylor

...with occassional visits from Jim Dreaver and others.

For the first part of the conversation, click here.

Jim Dreaver says:

Re your opening comments, Suzanne, about enlightenment being like winning the lottery. Here are some quotes I am using in the preface to my new book (apropos)...

"The longing for liberation must be very strong." – Jean Klein

"You must give your life to this." – J. Krishnamurti

"It (enlightenment) may seem arduous, but it is easy if you are earnest, and quite impossible if you are not. Everything yields to earnestness." – Nisargadatta Maharaj

"When the Guest is being searched for, it is the intensity of the longing for the Guest that does all the work. Look at me, and you'll see a slave of that intensity." – Kabir

"The only barrier to realization is the belief that you are not realized." – Ramana Maharshi

Interesting that you say that it's not something to build your life around. That's precisely what I did for eighteen years (and two broken marriages and mucho lost opportunities to just make lots of money!). After describing my first satori (in the new book), I write...
I crept out of bed slowly so as not to wake Briar, and above all not to disturb this magical state of being I found myself basking in. Later, of course, it faded, but something in me had shifted. Now I knew. A hole had been punctured in my consciousness, in the "story," the accumulation of beliefs, ideas, and emotionally-charged memories that made up the "person" I thought I was, and I'd been shown the true nature of reality. Now I knew what I was looking for. I wanted to live with that expansiveness, that clear, radiant awareness, that timeless sense of peace and well-being, all the time.

Everything I did for the next eighteen years was a conscious and deliberate act of seeking and exploring, designed to bring me permanently to that awakened state of consciousness. I wanted only to be fully and completely enlightened, to at last be free, so that I could then just enjoy the whole dance and drama of living without resisting any of it, without any longer experiencing conflict, self-doubt, or any form of unhappiness.
However, I think, in the final analysis, I would agree with you. It makes more sense to live a balanced life. Anyway, now that I am off the enlightenment path, I am at least learning all the different ways to enjoy life and to have fun... Which, I must admit, are different at fifty-three than they were at twenty-three, or thirty-three.

Here are some more comments on yours and Madame X's conversation...

Was it the illusory "self" that brought us safely thus far, or was it something deeper and truer, something, indeed, that came through brilliantly in spite of our "selves," our egos?

In any case, I don't want to hold a flag for or sing the praises, necessarily, of the Advaita path. Jean Klein's interpretation of it just happened to make sense to me. As for negation, the negation is only of all the concepts and ideas and images and projections that get in the way of our really connecting, heart to heart and soul to soul, in the here and now. I agree, if people make an idol out of negation, well, they end up negative. I remember one of the leading American Buddhist teachers saying years ago that Buddhism here tended to attract negative, depressed people.

Yes, I agree, there is always more. Hell, none of us really knows what is around the corner. My friend, Ellen Masland left her vacation condo in Puerto Vallarta one Monday last January (she was scheduled to fly back on the Sunday but called her husband, Phil, whom I've know for 20 plus years, to ask him if it was okay to stay another day) and boarded Alaskan Airlines flight 261. That morning she had written in her journal, "Life is so short... " and by that afternoon, when that Alaskan flight took its last gut-wrenching, terrifying, twisting, 34 second plunge into the ocean of Point Mugu, her life was over.

I guess my point is that I live each moment, each day, with death looking over my shoulder, and with a deep gratitude that I am here one more day to celebrate this incredible gift, this mystery, that is life.

And, yes, Madame X is right when she says emptiness is not different than form. She is but echoing the Buddha's Heart Sutra, "form is emptiness, and emptiness is form."

I am working on a new book about enlightenment as really being the beginning, not the end. It may be (and certainly seems to be so, in my experience) the end of the sense of being a "somebody" who is endlessly, restlessly, seeking something. But still, life has to be lived, money has to be earned, relationships go on, and who among us can ever say we have mastered compassion and love? Who among us can ever say that just because we no longer suffer, no longer feel lonely or frustrated or unhappy, we can now turn our back on the world and, like Nero, fiddle while Rome burns?

Let's keep the conversation going!

Suzanne says:

This made me yearn for a live round table. We are all playing with the same game pieces, looking for the different juxtapositions that could see the wisdom of the ages improved upon. Consciousness marches on, and yet age-old wisdom is entrenched in ways that may not be keeping pace.

I so like the fresh take Madam X has – not that it's the unequivocal be all and end all, but is something unburdened by the collective consciousness that she's stayed further outside of than the rest of us. I like using what she says as fodder. I like your sentence about gratitude, which seems to fit her model – not to seek enlightenment, which gets you into dualistic traps, but to come out of the kind of attitude you suggest. Doing that as the high game would be a subject for further conversation re her perspective.

About your enlightenment book, I wonder in light of our current exchanges if what to do after enlightenment is the most propitious subject, or rather if it's what you do after you see who you are. Enlightenment is such a hot potato – nobody agrees on the definition, so you're on shaky ground from which to build a case. Andrew Cohen was in fact talking about the enlightenment experience (that we would agree upon) as the beginning – that he'd learned that after thinking that it was the end. Then he went on to a formula for how to be that sounded like an attempt to make a pop best seller – the five rules, or some such. Something seemed cold about it. Do this and that. And wrong as a way to see your life unfolding. Almost like what he spoke about might be observations you'd make on the life you were living that was pointed the right way, rather than the behaviors you had to engage in to get there. Of course, he is he and you are you, but thought I'd pass along this info.

Were the crop circles to come into world awareness, perhaps we wouldn't need any of this rutting around looking for reality. Would that we were all here [in England] together, soaking in the amazement at the cosmos that could set everyone free.

Madam X says:

When we speak in this way with hypotheticals which attempt to separate out one section of our life experience, make an understanding and generalization about it, then a teaching, aren't we forgetting the real way it came to us?

I have to speak about the word "freedom." I'm not speaking of the "freedom" that we hear about in relation to enlightenment. I'm speaking of something else, something very, very fundamental. When I hear this word, this is what I think: I've watched creation come into being in my heart. I see it when it first appears, and I watch it growing, I experience it taking form in my mind, and I watch myself speaking it or picturing it or in some way externalizing it. There is NO freedom at all in this. And I am so aware of this vulnerable way.

Having seen this, I think transformation, creation, Being, has its OWN WAY. And I think it is an error to think it can be predicted, or controlled, or even taught. I think that is exactly what causes friction. It does exactly what it wants. I prefer to focus on that, I find wisdom there, and humility. And I have chosen to adjust my values to that, which mostly I can't understand, but I am aware that I am a part of it.

It's funny, because there is a kind of "freedom" in that, and at the same time, there is a complete "slavery" in it. So, maybe it isn't so important whether there's freedom or not. Maybe, whether you're a slave, or a freeman, or just an everyday human who's lost, or found, there's value there. I choose to focus on this value, because it comes to me that way, and speaks in my mind that it NEEDS this for its growth, ITS OWN MYSTERIOUS WAY OF GROWTH.

Hypothetical thinking is valuable, but can also be dangerous. It can get in the way. But we have to speak to communicate, so we do the best we can. I think there's benefit in it, as long as we're ready to abandon everything we've said, in the surrender to the real thing, even if it takes us to a place we hadn't even thought of, or ever heard others speak about, or even want to go. That's freedom and slavery in ONE. Not knowing, really, yet allowing knowing to be, too.

So, I'd like to say this to Jim – I'm not considering this a debate in any way at all. This is just expressing ourselves. I'm Loving this talking, it is so special. This is closeness and heart to heart. And isn't it so beautiful to see that our hearts are so unique? This is BIG teaching for me. And I must say, I've learned more about the meaning of enlightenment, and the world of enlightenment from you than from any other. So, thanks for being so open. It is appreciated very much.

Suzanne, I've told you a zillion times how wonderful your part is. And I'll continue to tell you, because it's so amazing to me that you do what you do. Thanks for the photos. WOW! I especially Love the 17th century horse. And there's even a crop circle pub????? GEE!!!

Suzanne says:

I'm not sure what "hypotheticals" you are keying off of. I keep hesitating to answer, not wanting to do disservice to this evolving creation.

What I gather, whether I get the details right or not, is that you keep refusing to bog down in duality, going under all the ordinary ways in which we set up our thoughts as aspirations which can get us shot down. And I love a main premise of what you've posed before, which is that it's not ourselves that are coming and going, but that we are custodians for this thing called Being, and our job is to help it along. This is so aligned with the Brian Swimme world, which has a Universe birthing more of itself all the time, where the latest thing to be created in the big jumps of evolution is self-reflexive awareness. (The Universe created something that could reflect upon itself and thereby appreciate itself, as it took on a danger in that such a free thinking capacity could endanger itself – "evil from cosmic risk" is what he calls it.) There's something so freeing in seeing oneself as responsible for human progress, rather than being a dummy who's trying to figure things out to be OK.

I was at the Barge (the crop circle pub) yesterday and got my laptop out to read "Way of Being" to some odd and interesting people we've been crossing paths with. They have found each other in the Barge campground, and have made a loose band of themselves. They are folk who are into being pagans and Druids and UFOers and the like. Strange but dear and maybe very high souls. I seemed to be understood, and it helped me to read that out loud to get it even more deeply understood myself. When you go into crop circles sometimes you sit down and hang out with others croppies, and I've taken to having conversations there about Life and what I glean from you. I feel very clear when I sit in these circles – easy to share simple wisdom – and now having read you aloud helps me be able to parrot you back. It's a very tender, lovely conversation that feels like everyone could be having.

Madam X says:

Suzanne, You have never yet said anything that I felt to be a disservice in any way. Your responses are, rather, very important information to me. And I'm so grateful that you openly and honestly give them. I'm learning about communication. And I need reflection to grow too.

I'm sorry I wasn't clear. I was feeling so strongly something underlying in the conversations, and I guess I assumed the feeling was so obviously present that you would just know what I was talking about. So, I was feeling like I was entering a huge confusion concerning the relationship between an original "unknown" as yet undescribed experience (call it growth, or creation, or transformation), and the ways in which the mind sees this experience, puts it into words, and then externalizes it in some form of expression. It is this seeing which becomes clearer, becomes more and more precisely described in words, and is expressed with developing truth.

When I said the word "hypothecticals," I was referring to what feels to me to be a kind of getting lost somewhere in this process of experience becoming expression. And I think the place of lostness is in allowing personal desire to interfere, the desire to pin it down, and make it "known," so that it is no longer an uncomfortable mystery. Some want to say, I "know" how it came about, I "know," so as to infer that, YOU can do it that way, too. You can repeat my experience? Isn't this what teachers say?

This is what I mean by "hypothetical." In talking, this kind of thinking is so ingrained and accepted, that no one seems to notice how completely disconnected from real Being is it. Or how it doesn't describe what's really happening at all. So much talk is in a "hypothetical" realm, a realm that accepts (static) mental agreements – what's normal, what will happen, what's right or wrong, what's beautiful, what's good, what's meaningful, what one SHOULD do or not do – and there is this obliviousness to the reality of what really is emerging as form and as "us." The emerging reality is so far beyond all this. It pays no attention to these assumptions whatsoever. Why continue to speak in that way? It is exactly what you said Brian Swimme described as "evil from cosmic risk." We're participating in pretending. Pretending that we "know" what we really don't "know". I can't. And I have to speak it. I feel that we need desperately to go beyond this, by seeing more clearly, and describing more accurately, which means giving up some of our human comfort – the comfort of believing in "I know," and "I can control," when I really don't know and I am actually so completely vulnerable.

The great illusion in teaching, I feel, is exactly this. It's always the danger when we speak. I feel it when I speak. I want to be so very careful NOT to be a part of this misleading language. Over and over in Life I've been taught, and experienced, the presumption of "I know." And for me, it has created overwhelming friction, agony, isolation. And it's not easy to come back here, and say these things. But it is what is happening.

I feel you did understand what I was expressing, when you said this:
What I gather, whether I get the details right or not, is that you keep refusing to bog down in duality, going under all the ordinary ways in which we set up our thoughts as aspirations which can get us shot down. And I love a main premise of what you've posed before, which is that it's not ourselves that are coming and going, but that we are custodians for this thing called Being, and our job is to help it along.
I agree. It's the difference between discussion of Life, and the actual experience of participation in Life. And I don't mean to devalue discussion either. Just to emphasize the need for the discussion to get more real. More honest. More accurate in its description of what is really happening, and our part in it, AND our limitations. There's a humbling here that is very powerful magic.

So, I wasn't responding to specific things that were said, but to underlying assumptions that are kind of hidden within language. And I guess my feeling about it has been building. Here I've just spent so many words expressing it again.

I wish I was there in England with you, sitting in a crop circle, and speaking with hearts so obviously being in this great mystery, with recognition among us of this "unknown." Your feeling of this comes through your words here so very clearly, almost like a whisper. We do whisper when we feel this unknown, don't we?

Jim says:

Hi Suzanne and Madam X,

"There's something so freeing in seeing oneself as responsible for human progress, rather than being a dummy who's trying to figure things out to be OK."
Yes, Suzanne. I like this idea of being responsible for creation. Obviously, it seems, we are. That's where love comes in, I'd say. We have been created out of love, after all.
"Having seen this, I think transformation, creation, Being, has its OWN WAY. And I think it is an error to think it can be predicted, or controlled, or even taught. I think that is exactly what causes friction. It does exactly what it wants. I prefer to focus on that, I find wisdom there, and humility. And I have chosen to adjust my values to that, which mostly I can't understand, but I am aware that I am a part of it."
This statement of yours, Madam X, seems right on to me. It fits with what my teachers in the so-called enlightenment tradition said, which is that when we get out of the way (through seeing that the "we" we've taken ourselves to be is a "hypothetical" (heh, heh) creation in any case, Creation happens by itself.

Krishnamurti used to say that when we live with this kind of awareness, there's no longer any choice. Life shows us what it wants. Now, is this what you are saying? Personally, I don't see that as slavery, but as true freedom. It is to Swimme (heh, heh) with destiny, to go with the deeper flow of what is, to not push the river... A nice definition of intelligence, in my view. I like the way the Sufis put it, "Pay attention to the signs." I also like what you say about finding the most accurate word – yet if we were together, we could just share the feeling of the way it IS.

I read an article in the paper today about the war in Angola, which is all about diamonds and money and power (what else?), and how more children and adults are killed and maimed in that country by stepping on land mines than anywhere else in the world. There were pictures of some of them in the hospital where there is just one doctor, from Brussels, who is part of the organization Doctors without Frontiers, that won the Nobel Peace Prize. All he does, all day, is amputate limbs, mostly the legs of young children. There is more, there is worse that happens to these innocents. It is horrible. And I ask myself, what can I do to help stop this – as I've asked myself many times over the years when I have been faced with the brutality that goes on in our world.

Ten years after I was in Vietnam, where I served as a 20 year old artillery officer with New Zealand forces, I had a breakthrough – or a breakdown – when I finally realized what that war was all about, what all war was all about, the futility, the death, the suffering, the madness, the sadness, the senselessness of it all. I resolved then that I would give my life to seeing that wars like this didn't happen, and that young children could sleep safe at night, and grow up with hope, with a future, with a chance to live and fulfill their dreams.

But, as often happens on the spiritual path, I got off on my own detour, got into my own bliss, my own enlightenment. Found it, too, after a fashion. Realized that I could just sit and abide in the bliss of being, and let the world burn. It didn't touch me. I was beyond it. If they wanted to be free of suffering, let them find enlightenment, as I had. But it's all very well to say that to adults, to grown-ups. How do you say that to a child?

When the bombs are raining down, or the parents have been taken away by the secret police, or the world as they have known it in their few young years is being ripped apart, you can't tell a child to just go meditate. We have to love them, to be there for them. Yet none of us can be there for every hurting child on the planet, or every hungry child, 18,000 of whom die every day from hunger. (We can help though, by clicking on the Hunger Site. Each click actually donates some real food to hungry children.)

Anyway, I just want to say that any Human Being Society, or any gathering, or any group we form or participate in, let us not forget the big picture, and why we are here, and why we do what we do. For me, the value of spiritual work and the enlightenment journey is that it really does liberate us from our personal suffering, if we take it all the way. Then we can turn our attention to the world, to the suffering around us. And there is plenty of that, plenty to keep us busy for a long, long time.

Madam X says:

Suzanne, I have to tell you that I can feel something very different happening within the lines of your emails. It seems that being so near to the inexplicable, mysterious something of the crop circles is bringing to light "unknowingness." When it comes right down to it, what do we really "know" about Life? All our intricate knowledge tends to cover up the fact that, ultimately, it is such a GRAND MYSTERY. I was feeling that "mystery" really needs to be brought back. It contains excitement, adventure, possibilities, openness, wonder – exactly the remedy for the complacent, "I already know everything"-ness.

I've been writing about "unknowingness" too, (unknowingly) in this Human Being Society thing:

CONGRATULATIONS! And welcome to the Human Being Society. Your lifetime membership entitles you to all the privileges and responsibilities of Being Human. We are the oldest organization in existence. We have stood the test of time. And we are the largest group world wide. All Human Beings are lifetime members. There isn't anything we can't do. We are powerful beyond belief.

The Human Being Society is entering a new era in its growth. Many of our basic survival needs, for food, shelter, etc., have been satisfied, and we are now in need of new ways to grow and challenge ourselves. We "know" so much, but our knowledge needs to become wisdom.

This is our new challenge.

To me, wisdom comes naturally from the heart, when a space is made to welcome it. It is a true and clear guide when allowed to join with sensitivity and awareness, and it naturally perfects itself through practice. This is a different kind of learning. Its objective is wholeness – individual wholeness and group wholeness. And this is the reason we speak of the Human Being Society at this time – because the need for wholeness is now felt world wide. And it is becoming a practical necessity.

Advances in technology have brought us closer together as a world people, but we are challenged by the new difficulties that come with closeness. It seems that our prejudices, fears and judgments are all made more apparent by this new closeness. And our ability to open, accept, express, and communicate this experience with clarity and purpose is being challenged. The meeting of these challenges is the very exercise that transforms knowledge into wisdom, by showing us the discomfort inherent in our limitations. And the encompassing embrace of wisdom naturally remedies these fragmentations in the smaller mind.

The heart's wisdom shows the way. At heart, we are one. We are all members of the Human Being Society. It keeps us together, and guides us through the feelings of discomfort into harmony. We didn't choose to join the Human Being Society. And we can't resign. It's a reality that can only be acknowledged. We have no other choice but to see it and make the best of it.

The Human Being Society is so unique among other Human groups, in that we have no unchanging rules or clearly defined guidelines. We are unpredictable, and so free. We may not know what we are doing, but it doesn't really matter, we do it with such enthusiasm anyway. Down deep, we somehow know it will be fine. We're always moving forward, and we trust. There is always LOVE, amazingly enough. And no matter how despairing or hopeless or frightened or isolated we may become, there is always resolution in time. And there is always a next moment.

One of my responsibilities, as a member of the Human Being Society, is to meet regularly with our founders, to discuss our growth and well being. Interestingly enough, they don't seem to worry at all about the positive or negative details of Life, which occupy so much of our attention. All they really are concerned with is, "Are the Human Beings growing well?" I told them that Human Beings are becoming more aware that they are growing, but that their skills in accepting change, trusting it, and growing with it are just beginning to develop. They were very pleased with this report, and had several suggestions:

First, they said, "Assure the Human Beings that they are doing very well. Talk to them about this "unknown" in which they find themselves. The sooner it is out in the open that in Human Life, we really don't know 'what' or 'why' we are here, the sooner they will begin to feel more at ease with being in this 'unknown.' Remind the Human Beings that LOVE is always there, in abundance, and that it will never run out. And tell them that the Human Being Society is there to help them grow and find unity. It is their place to practice being Human."

So, I am studying and learning and speaking about the needs of our new way of growth. And I hope you are too. These words are a part of my findings. And I am glad to report that the Human Being Society is thriving, thanks to members like you.

I just want to remind you of your membership in The Human Being Society. You are truly indispensable. We need to hear what you have to say. We want to see you as you are. We have gifts to share with you. And we're waiting to share in your gift.

This is a great opportunity. And a great responsibility. And we can have a lot of fun too. We each are a piece of the puzzle, and we each possess a portion of the vital energy needed to form our picture of the whole. And once we can see this picture, we're on the way to becoming more skillful in caring for all growth. Caring for growth teaches wisdom, so you will feel its benefits as you practice, in your own well being .

So let's not forget to listen to each other. And to the voice of wisdom whispering in our hearts. I know we will GROW WELL.

So remember our motto: "WE ARE YOU"

Suzanne says:

Sweet thoughts about the mystery, Madam X. We interviewed one of the researchers who had a sense of reverence for the unknown, where in fact whatever is doing the crop circles is beyond us – like ants don't know about humans, we don't know about circlemakers. So be it, in loving awe...

Your comments are good, Jim. Seems like we are building a new reality – putting all the pieces together in a new calibration. Time for that now. Feels very real and very sweet...

Madam X says:

Jim said:

"Krishnamurti used to say that when we live with this kind of awareness, there's no longer any choice. Life shows us what it wants. Now, is this what you are saying? Personally, I don't see that as slavery, but as true freedom. It is to Swimme (heh, heh) with destiny, to go with the deeper flow of what is, to not push the river... A nice definition of intelligence, in my view. I like the way the Sufis put it, 'Pay attention to the signs.'"
Yes, Jim, this is exactly what I'm saying.

I do have the extreme in my nature – so my ball has been bouncing without a sense of moderation. For quite a long time, I was so completely withdrawn that I had no sense of participation in myself at all – that's when the word slavery started to be said. All I could do was watch it. I didn't even have the ability to "want" to participate. In the last few years though, I've begun learning to take part, with more sensitivity, and respect, and I have more of a feeling of taking part in Life.

There's the freedom FROM ego control and separateness. There's the slavery OF giving oneself to the service of the Transforming Being.

I felt free when I had no existence. But when it came time to return to the body, it felt like giving up of a certain amount of freedom. It was a willing act, and I'm not complaining, but for me, freedom doesn't describe the way I feel.

I swam with destiny for a while, then it opened its great mouth and devoured me, and ate me up, and digested me, and I became one of its little cells. More recently, being with others, feeling with them, has become a clearer way of communication.

You also said, "We can talk about which word is most accurate, but if we were together, we could just share the feeling of the way it IS." Want to try that sometime?

Madam X says:

Welcome home, Suzanne. I've done some more work on the Human Being Society statement:

We are The Human Being Society, and this is our purpose: "GROWING." We do this naturally. But there is one aspect to our growing that is unique to our group. And that is our growing awareness of our own growing.

Our roots are deep in Eternal time. Our branches reach for the Sun. Our knowing and our unknowing alternate with the Seasons. And Love supports us so abundantly. Our meetings are held everywhere, all over the Earth, in every moment. We speak the One Heart language. We grow in every imaginable way. And we hold every imaginable belief. Yet, we are ONE.

Welcome to The Human Being Society. Your lifetime membership entitles you to all the privileges and responsibilities of being Human. GROW WELL, and remember our motto: "WE ARE YOU"

Madam X says:

Jim said:

"...any Human Being Society, or any gathering, or any group we form or participate in, let us not forget the big picture, and why we are here, and why we do what we do. For me, the value of spiritual work and the enlightenment journey is that it really does liberate us from our personal suffering, if we take it all the way. Then we can turn our attention to the world, to the suffering around us. And there is plenty of that, plenty to keep us busy for a long, long time..."

Thank you so much, Jim. What you have said is so important. I haven't had to go to war to understand what you're saying, but in my way, I've felt great pain in the tortures and battles of my psyche. And I've felt the additional alienation of being misunderstood and rejected because I was feeling these things so deeply. Now, I am super careful, and over and over my friends say to me, "You don't have to be so careful." Then I find myself in a situation where someone is being overwhelmed and pushed too far by another's imposing and "teaching" (and sharing?) and I'm watching subtle damage happen in the name of truth.

Last night I said to myself, and aloud, "This is blindness. This is disrespect. This is hurtful." Humans are so very sensitive, but they can mask it. And we've been trained and culturized to appear "tough," even when we are in deep agony inside. This needs to be made visible, and treated gently and respectfully. The side-effects of playing the tough game are too great. I don't agree with those who say I don't have to be so careful. Rather, I feel I must be even more careful, because of all the damage that has been done over such a long time of saying, "You don't have to be so careful." All we have to do is open our eyes to see the damage.

I saw last night, in myself, a clear and obvious way. A way without ulterior motive (teaching) or (truth), yet with real purpose (healing) and (growing). A way the allows each to heal and grow uniquely and in their own time. It seems to be just respectful, human "meeting" – a very gentle touching at first, so very very carefully. Now more than ever – so careful, because everything available to the touch has been wounded. Why aren't we treating each other carefully, since we know how much we are all hurting? First there needs to be recognition that we're in pain.

Knowledge can be used either to nurture or to destroy. Truth too. Everything, I guess. Teaching can stifle creativity and uniqueness, as well as educate and expand. In the desire and attempt to help, there are also many dangers. So, our learning is always the most important.

I'd like the Human Being Society to be so careful. Not that there aren't mistakes or hurt, but that they are understood with care too. Could we lay down our weapons? Even our weapons of truth? Could we allow another to believe differently, or express a different truth? Could we listen to a different truth? Could we even respect a different truth? COULD WE FIND THE PLACE BEYOND EVEN TRUTH, WHERE WE ARE ALIKE? Is it "unknowing?"

Suzanne says:

I see it is a progressive developing thing that you are fleshing out. Or honing in on. A very interesting dance taking place, where you are attempting to make distinctions in a realm beyond where we usually stop, which, in that loopy way reality has, could be landing you nowhere – like a baby is innocent and can be in a pure way of being, but an adult has to unlearn and relearn from somewhere. That somewhere is the delicate field of awareness in which you are playing. The more you say, seems to me the clearer the wisps become, so that we do not settle for the partial truths of our maxims and principles. I sputter a bit at your feet....

Madam X says:

Suzanne, what to make of your comments? Maybe I should tell you what's been happening to me. Human feeling has opened up, and is gushing out, all over everything. Feeling that was forbidden to me at birth, and has never been known to me. So, it's been overwhelming, and distorting, and reordering my entire self. In the process, some subtle separation that was keeping me inside, looking out, got swept away.

I was feeling such embarrassment at being so emotional, and being in an "unknown" of my own person, and not having even the slightest idea of how to care for myself. Now I'm remembering seeing other people in the throes of emotion, and having absolutely no comprehension of what I was seeing. Fortunately, other understanding people have been helping me, but this part of humanness is changing me drastically. And this has all been happening since you've been away.

I guess that explains why I've been talking this way. Ideas are powerful, but feelings are powerful, too. They keep each other in balance, optimally. Things that just went by me before now have become center stage. Ideas seem to be shifting into lesser importance, and action, daily actions, are becoming the meaningful language. And the center of attention, which was "me" and "my life" and "my growth," has gone, and where it went I'm not even sure I can say.

The distinguishing ideas feel about as useful as worn out clothes. I wore them out. I've gone somewhere else, and it's a completely different format. All that's left is a painfully intense and desperate desire to take care, right now, in this moment, this level of growth, this awareness, this situation, no matter who, and no matter what.

I hope you will bear with me, I'm feeling very vulnerable.

Suzanne says:

What a surprise. Makes perfect sense, too. It can only get better, I trust you absolutely. Wouldn't it be humorous for you to become a siren? That would be a movie. We would get rich!

I hope you are enjoying this experience, and that you have good caretakers. That is so important. Call on me for anything.

Hope you can stand it – you are loved.

Jim says:

Welcome back from England, Suzanne. Thanks for your email on feelings, Madam X. I am reminded of the EST training, where trainers used to beat people over the head with "the truth" – the ego's need to be right. That's what I understand by your request to lay down our weapons of truth. Re knowledge, I like the saying of a native American elder, "Knowledge divides the world. Wisdom makes it whole."

When we lay aside all concepts, beliefs – words even – what is left is silence, presence, awareness, and a chance to really get to meet one another.

Suzanne says:

Life prompted me to write these thoughts on looking for a way of being. Not sure I've really been able to communicate my thoughts – especially after I read yours. They are so charming! But see if you read me and if it means anything if you do. It is weird how cool all the heat of ordinary life feels when measured against the circlemakers' universe. My house guests, who are steeped in the inner workings of the Democratic convention that's in town now, keep inviting me to hot parties, but they seem silly. Don't want to be arrogant, however. Lots of world that needs to be cared for and embraced. Just still coming down from somewhere else and reorienting.


Once good thing about getting away is you get perspective. You get to observe what's ordinary from another place.

It was particularly thought provoking to return to Los Angeles at this time, with the Democratic convention in town and three very male guests, who last night were chatting with Clinton, camped in my house. Important considerations are under my nose about policy suggestions to Gore: that he balance traditional horizons and cultural dynamism, civil liberty and social order, pluralism and universalism, civil liberties and civil order, fundamentalism and what's secular, economy and ecology, freedom and responsibility.

However, as I tune into the issues everyone is so wrapped up in, and into all the politicking going on, I find that whole layer of reality looking small and inconsequential – a bubble floating in eternity's sea.

From this other vantage point in the larger scheme of things, what exactly can we say to make order out what lies beyond the everyday world? There is no intent to eliminate that world, or to ridicule it, but just to place it in a perspective which is hard to see when busy on its many fronts, including one that seeks freedom from our involvement.

Most fundamentally, what we are doing in this less familiar, larger terrain is looking for a way of being – we are not, as we think from inside the bubble, looking for enlightenment or freedom. We lock ourselves into the duality we want to escape when we set things we can label as our goals. It is more important to get this straight than to play well. As long as you are set up right, better play will evolve. You will fuel life rather than the search for life.

Even the idea of spiritual is dangerous. Spirit is a concept. We have labeled the sense we get of an ultimate way of being, so desirous of it that we have deified it. See that it exists in a state of being that we mistakenly worship as something personified outside ourselves. That state of being has been labeled, too – as sainthood. It is defined by us as being merged with what we call God. Just peek a small bit further and there is no God. You're behind the curtain cranking the machine. It's all you. Feeling joy and reverence and compassion, this is who you are whose way of being is one with the all.

Madam X says:

Suzanne, when I started grade school, and we were allowed to draw or color, I remember noticing right off how different each of our pictures were. And, that was fine. Until Art School, when we began to be taught rules for our expression, and the "right" way to draw, and what "art" was. Funny, (not really) how everyone's expression began to look alike then.

I knew that way was not being true to myself. It was getting in the way of my being true to myself. It was keeping me from expressing myself. And I knew I had to be true to myself, or Life meant nothing to me. If I wasn't allowed to be real and grow as I truly was, then staying here was living death. If I couldn't be alive, and express myself as I was truly, then I wasn't staying.

Again and again in Life, I see this sort of substituting an "appearance" for the living, growing thing. To me it still means death. I still feel that all the different pictures we made in grade school were the expressions of real truth, real art, real people, real alive and growing Being. I Loved them all then, and I Love them all now. I Love the crude ones, the messy ones, the soft and delicate ones, the funny ones, the sophisticated ones, the tender ones, the facile ones, the "good" ones and the "bad" ones. It didn't matter then, and it doesn't matter now. We were still friends. We were all in the same life boat.

To me, it's only important that we are honest about whatever way Being is in us. Grade school art is only an example of how uniquely tuned our perceptions and skill, and expressions and ways of Being really are. Now, I don't look for a common thought or opinion or expression or way or form. I find beauty in the total uniqueness of each living thing and the uniqueness of its unfolding process, and I respect that it has Being and needs to grow just as much as I do. I Love and appreciate this amazing variety. And I find my own freedom in knowing that I am not like others, and I don't have to be.

Having said this, I Love your remarks. I Love the fact that you say the truth about what YOU feel and think, even if what you say may stimulate disagreement or be different than the party line. To me, that is a sign that there is a real and true Being present and alive. You are seeing yourself for yourself, and defining your own process. You are paying attention to Life, inside and outside of your bubble. You're asking yourself the questions that have real meaning for you. And answering them for yourself. You're the ONLY ONE who can really do that for you. You know yourself better than anyone else ever could.

Suzanne says:

This is so sweet. Every direction, you see sweet. You can be sweetening everyone up.

Could there be an idea here? A daily piece? Grade School Lessons? Wake-Up Calls? Everyone can start their day as a human being reading one.

Have worked on this:

Once good thing about getting away is you get perspective. You get to observe what's ordinary from another place.

It was particularly thought provoking to return to three very male guests, who are here to make policy suggestions to Gore. As I tune into the Democratic Convention, with all the issues and all the politicking going on, that whole layer of reality seems distant – a bubble floating in eternity's sea.

In what's beyond the bubble, we are looking for a way of being. Not for enlightenment or freedom. We need to fuel life rather than the search for it.

Even Spirit is a concept. It's a state of being that we mistake as something outside ourselves. Sainthood is perceived as being intoxicated with God. Just peek further and there is no God. You're behind the curtain cranking the machine. It's all you.

Madam X says:

Suzanne, watch out as you look for a way, because it can be quite a shock if you find it.

This is very good. I like it in this more subtle form. Much clearer as it gets calmer. ( I'm hearing this, too.)

Suzanne says:

I sent this email to my list announcing you as the next installment of my WebRadio show, Making Sense of These Times:

I attended a luncheon a few weeks ago at which I introduced Gail Bates, also known as Madam X, who spoke about a Human Being Society that she envisions. This marks the first time she has spoken publicly about her extraordinary experiences with what she calls the Eternal Culture, where she learned the way of eternal Being. Listen to her enthralling speech on my newest WebRadio show. The show page has been designed to be the gateway to the realm of the Human Being Society and the practice of conscious growth. It's worth checking out, even if you can't listen to the show: .

Madam X says:

Dear Everyone!!

"Could it be? YES, it could! Somethin's comin', somethin' GOOD!"

The page you made for the show is so well presented – and so clear too.

It's taking me a little time to get used to this. All of a sudden, everything has changed drastically. All the quiet conversation that used to be just me and myself – now it's on WebRadio. That shy, silent person, now speaking like a real live Human Being. Yesterday I created pictures of life, today the pictures are alive – real, live Human Beings.

Do you realize what we're doing? We're involved in creating the future. We're reaching out with something new. Reaching out to living creatures and it is sensitive, thoughtful, powerful and REAL. We must keep this pure. We must keep thinking of wholeness and always remember we're serving the great purpose. Trust its way. Handle it with the utmost care.

Thank you for giving your energies, your time, your talents, etc. to this work. You are so special. Thank you for allowing me to join you – for accepting me – for Loving me.

I am reviewing our whole endeavor. I referred back to the mighty companions, the conversations, humanbeingbooks.com, Human Being Society AND, at last, the SHOW! And I am thrilled. Can I join in this work? The only thing I want in life is to be a part of this work. After the initial shock of seeing (hearing) myself from this new perspective, all I feel is an incredible joy that I (the one who was an outcast, the one who didn't fit, the oddball, the family embarrassment) find myself in a place where I can BE. I have always wanted to be a part of this life, but I was unwilling (really unable) to compromise. And just to be allowed to be a part is to me a Blessing beyond belief.

My work has always been joy to me. The only thing missing was that it seemed to have no place, no way to fit, no value to my fellow creatures. This is most certainly in my face now, saying in a loud and unmistakable voice, "Things have changed. It's a whole different world. Now, all your energy can flow out, freely. Give it all. BE."

I LOVE the whole thing. I'm amazed that it has taken form so beautifully, so completely, so gently, so clearly, so easily – in this way that is also magical and fascinating. I could never have conceived of this. I'm completely surprised. Such a Blessing for us, to be a part of this. Such an excitement that this is happening. LIFE is becoming something NEW. A vision. A new way. A new possibility. In the garden where we have seen and heard this spoken, "God is dead," there is now growing a beautiful flower of hope.

To all the careful gardeners of the world, thank you, bless you, and so much LOVE.

Now,........LET'S GO!

Jim says:

Way to go, Madam X!

As I was sitting in the lovely Huntington Gardens in California yesterday, being nobody – being just a portal for the creative energy of the entire universe – I thought of you. I thought, "Ah, this must be what Madam X is talking about. Just being open like this, available to the unfolding of creation here and now."

Suzanne responds to Madam X:

I am loving your articulation. I just realized how much like my story this is. Mighty Companions was always this seed of a new reality of interconnection that I was cultivating, looking for it to become a shared endeavor, and lo and behold there are four of us making the Human Being Society up! And how much nicer to be tracking an evolution, which is inherent in the concept of the HBS, than to be trying to foster an emergence. The HBS as participated in by people is just what Mighty Companions was conceptualized to become!

On Monday, September 11, 2000, we had our first Human Being Society huddle in Los Angeles. Present were myself (Suzanne Taylor), Gail Bates (Madam X), Bob Bates (Gail's husband), Madeleine Schwab (friend and consultant to everything we do here at Mighty Companions) and Kim McDonald (designer of this Website). We are open to being joined by people who are moved by Gail's penetrating perception, to explore of a "way of Being" along the lines she suggests. (If you would like to be invited, please let me know.)

This is what Madam X had to say after our meeting:

I'm focusing in on something that needs DOING, but I live in the unknown. I'm not capable of knowing. I don't know why. Somehow, I must "do" without knowing. And that is my plan in the endeavor of the Human Being Society.

How can I expect you to be with that?

I see as I go along. I can't imagine what I'll see when I get a mile down the road, but when I get there, I am able to see it – then I'll go further. I see myself going this way.

But this is not to assume that you, or anyone, is this way too.

Let's talk a little more about our individual ways of proceeding. I have a feeling that our uniquenesses augment each other. I want to see what the combination of our uniquenesses adds up to.

And I'm wondering, will we all be able to see it then?

The Human Being Society is in my vision. Somehow, I see it. But I have to examine every little part of it before I will really be able to see it fully and discover what it is and what it means. So, that's what I'm doing with others. That's why I want to meet and talk and be together.

What brings you to the Human Being Society?

Suzanne says:

I like how honest you keep things moment by moment. It's elemental, at the same time as we live in a world running by other means, and indeed have to conform to that, too. Harmonizing those pulls is a challenge. That does seem doable to me – and very refreshing to be operating that way. In fact, this is the extreme virtue of this way we are discerning – that it be alive in the timeless at the same time as we are not turning our backs on the "real" world. You are the rudder of this, Gail – as you keep us on course, we will co-create the play.

Madam X/Gail says this to Madeleine, who wasn't able to attend our second HBS meeting:

Last night, Suzanne showed part of a video about Theilhard de Chardin's mind. It was like reviewing the growth of thought, leading up to Us. Now, our job is to go farther. I have so many thoughts about this. So many that they sometimes get bunched up in their enthusiasm to get out.

For many years, I thought that other people would just see what I was seeing. I didn't even know that they didn't. I didn't realize that I needed to talk in order to be understood. I could see what they were seeing, so I just assumed that they could see what I was seeing, too. But now, I realize that things need to be said slowly, again and again, and shown and exemplified and lived.

But lately, I see what an important part feeling plays in communication, and in the purpose of feeding growth, because "thought" is a language for feeling – it describes and orders (tries at least) all the sensations that the body perceives. And maintains them, and stores them. And the overall communication is then a greater aspect of both feeling and knowing.

I wanted to write about this, and maybe talk about it at our next meeting. It came out as a poem:

Eternal Value

There is a value,
beyond money,
beyond power,
beyond possessions,
beyond even LOVE.

It is an Eternal Value,
and it is found only
in the passing of time.

It is contained in each moment,
for Eternity – and it is
your gift to the world.

Suzanne says:

Gail, you are an angel! Your words are a tune-in, the daily dose that is always a good idea. Words to keep by the bedside, words that pop up when you turn on the computer, a book in the bathroom – bathrooms everywhere!! That may be it!!! Everyone uses bathrooms!!!! Surely where we are one!!!!!

Madam X had this to say after meeting with an intense healer-friend of Suzanne's:

When a storm blows up, and the seas are high, and the winds blow in every direction, something in me begins getting quieter and quieter – as if it thinks that the quiet will balance the extremes, and calm the storm. Does peace have that power?

I used to think of peace as just the absence of turmoil, but now I know that peace is really a very powerful energy. It needs careful maintenance and continuous practice for the skill of its generation to become effective. But it actually IS very potent, and it is an activity in its own right.

I practice it all the time, probably because I am, by nature, very emotional and moody. I even find that my extreme moods help me because they ensure that I constantly practice. So just being Human is a big branch of my Life's work, but I'm beginning to see a greater potential for this practice.

Along the way, I've considered many approaches for responding to high seas, but find that many of them have negative side-effects. Imposing solutions, even though they may be well meaning, seems to result in more turmoil and inner conflict. But peaceful energy can somehow be very actively present, without any feeling of imposition. It is a slower approach. In the long run, though, I think it is a better one.

Your friend spoke of doing the job fast – breaking down the barriers. I've seen some satsang teachers practicing this method, too, but my purpose is a little different. And for me, unity and the creation of unity can't be accomplished with those energies. The only energy that will ever support unity is a peaceful one. If we build with force, the stress we are adding will ultimately cause the unity to fragment. We will be causing our own defeat.

This seems like both a way and a form. Interesting. It's very important in my life; I wonder if you resonate.

Suzanne says:

Ah yes, perhaps this covers the reality in which I never want to submit myself to the breaking down of my barriers that is suggested to me. What appeals to me is the idea that we are responsible for all the navigating, rather than giving over the helm to the healer. Maybe that isn't even what happens when a healer works with you – that the healer is just the catalyst for what always is your own by its nature – but that invasive situation where someone comes along to "bust you" just never sits well with me. The idea of working at peace is a very dynamic one. Again, not just a goal to go for – "ah yes, now we have peace," a la, "now we have enlightenment" – but a process that is our lives.

Here is what Kim had to say when I showed her your email:

"I am reminded of the Dalai Lama – an icon for peace. He demonstrates peace. And not forcefully, but peacefully. He just beams peace. And he's not attached to it, either. He is just simply peace. He would never beat anyone over the head with peace, nor force them to accept peace. He just IS peace."

Madam X replies:

This is Beautiful. I am finding so much guidance in these messages we are sharing. Thank you.

From Suzanne:

Just had occasion to dig this out of old correspondence:

Lately I am seeing that the action of this shift we are making as a humanity might better be perceived as "service" than "awakening," which is just a beginning. After awakening, what? Service. It's not a matter of good works but is a point of view. Awakened human beings are serving. Every moment. The basis of our behavior changes – from competing with one another to the openheartedness of constant giving. The perception of this pervasiveness of service as the fundamental action of the awakened human feels to me like the next step for humanity. Humanity's last step was to awaken to the soul, and service is what soulful people do. "How can I help?" is the refrain. It's a winning game – no failures, no disappointments. The bridge between functioning in the world of competition and staying tuned in to one's open heart can be service. Everyone can "get it" that "random acts of kindness" is the way.

The latest hit of this that I got was from some friends who are doing the lessons in the workbook of "A Course in Miracles," which affected me profoundly when I did it years ago. They were on lesson 78 when they called from the Bay area to tell me how moved they were as they put before them, for forgiveness, the person with whom they have the most grievance. The "effort" that it takes to climb up to forgiveness looks like a breeze to me if the idea of service is the lens you're seeing through. Serving everyone and everything puts a different light on the action of your life.

Madam X responds:

Suzanne, did you write this? When? This is PERFECT! This is exactly what I was wanting to say, and you said it so precisely. Connect the words "peace" and "service" and you have something very powerful. And what you said:

"It's a winning game – no failures, no disappointments. The 'effort' that it takes to climb up to forgiveness looks like a breeze to me if the idea of service is the lens you're seeing through. Serving everyone and everything puts a different light on the action of your life."

I see it the same way. That's one way I got by some very large obstacles in my own Life. They forced me to see more impersonally, which opened the way for greater clarity, choice and commitment for my way. It tamed my ego in a gentle way, and gave it a new purpose to fill the hole.

Lately this is becoming clearer to me. So much spiritual teaching is directed toward changing what is (healing). Well, that sounds good, but when it begins to develop, pretty soon EVERYTHING starts to be seen as something that needs to be changed. And one can become so intent on it, that all that's seen is problems, insufficiency, imperfection, etc. It creates a blindness to beauty and appreciation. Sooner or later, I think, the endless seeking leads to an understanding that growth never ends, never arrives at that illusory "perfection." One thing just leads endlessly to another and then another.

So, to adjust to this shocking revelation, a new focus emerges. Quality of Being seems to me to take care of the desire to grow, while the focus is Love of what is. It's more balanced. It's the Love that is the powerful difference. Love is what makes quality. And Love can't develop when it's focus is critical. A critical attitude can take you so far, but it has to be abandoned to Love.

Ultimately, quality in action is service, and in energy it is peace. In an atmosphere like this, the ultimate growth is allowed. It's the best I know so far.

Suzanne Says:

This is so sweet. I love that you're thinking this way. I got this flash that if we could hold the space, everyone would get it. Like you only make room for what you see it is. Gawd, elementally it's probably that simple. You are a tower of strength in this. I think it needs some towers of strength to hold things up when the world rushes in. What we would do is still a big question, but I like this frame. You do have a way. Very clear for all.

Madam X Says:

Musing on our play (as you so aptly named it in the very first message you wrote me, remember?), I'm wondering if others would enjoy learning and playing together, as one activity, like I do? The kinds of creative playing things we've been talking about prompted me to say this – possibly an entry to us:

Human Being Society Play Night

HUMAN BEING is an art we all share, and its form is the endless growth of ourselves. The HUMAN BEING SOCIETY is our place to BE and GROW, freely. We call this play, because the experience of freely being is fun. But also in play is contained the profound wisdom of Being, expressing itself naturally, so we can see it, and experience it, and learn about it, and grow, in a brand new way. By welcoming one another in honesty, we learn about this nature. And by appreciating one another, we learn to care for it.

Join us.

Madam X writes:

I need to reflect back to you some of the effects of your creative mixing. It seems that each time I join with a new energy from your collection, big changes happen in me. Meeting Charles [a spiritual healer friend of Suzanne's] demanded that I make a clearer decision of my own way, and tested me to show it more completely, and with more strength. Now Jonathan [Institute for Transformative Leadership] – meeting him has released so much energy into my body. It's not only the energy of movement, but also of illumination. In the background, patiently waiting for the right moment, has been the message of the Eternal Beings, their vision of time, and their way of Being. I mention it a little, in passing. I didn't want to scare people away. I don't want to shock anyone. But now the time has come to speak directly. The energy is here. And I'm strong enough.

I am the opening to the Time Sphere. My function is more than to bring intellectual information. This opening is the potential for great expansion. It is a new dimension for an overcrowded, and frantic people. Every Life form requires its certain space for comfort and ease in Being. But in cyclical growth, the space varies, and we experience it as freedom, or confinement, and many variations in between. Along with confinement, not enough space, is the frantic feeling, building the energy to break free, until it reaches desperation, and actualization occurs. With me, the Human mind is released into the space of all time. At first, there is disorder. Then reordering. And then, movement, exploration, and discovery. Wisdom also needs a certain amount of space. So, part of this reorientation is the making of space for the inclusion of greater perception, wisdom. It all grows together. But my way of teaching is to alter the confining framework. Then, within each one, the adjustment and reordering takes place in its own time.

I'm not here to just pull the rug out from under, and then go away, leaving chaos to take care of itself. I have the instincts of a Mother, who not only gives birth, but who then Loves and nurtures and teaches her children.

And that is my intention.

The Human Being Society is my family. And I want to begin focusing on this, in our meetings. A little at a time. And speaking this message directly. The memories of our ancestors are in me. Also visions moving into the future. In the process, the present is not going to look familiar. I need to look only where the new energy is forming, so that it will be certain, and precisely manifested, and clear. In order to do this, I need to be very specialized, and will have to depend on others to do the rest.

What you have done, by your own initiative and willingness, is incredible. The great expanse you are able to accept, and connect, and support, and foster, is very unique. And one of the most valuable things I have ever come across. I am experiencing the great importance of what you give, and I can only say that it feels like we are appearing in the same space, in the same time, as part of the same something that is beyond us both. It needs to be held so so carefully.

This is enough for now. I feel like I am stretching the edge of comfort, and I am concerned, and need to know how you experience it. I don't want anyone to be hurt or pushed beyond their limits. I'm looking for the balance between silence and revelation.

Suzanne replies:

The plot thickens. This is such an adventure. I love a grand possibility. There have been others I've played with who thought they held such keys, who were good while they lasted. Now you enter the waters that have sunk all these previous explorers. I can see ways in which your boat is different, and could get us to the other side, but be warned about the danger. No one expects a savior. You are stepping out beyond where contemporary wise guys would think anyone should go. But of course if you can maintain, what can they say? Or what would they want to say? You'd be doing everyone a real favor.

So glad myself to be of use.

Diahann Hughes [visiting from England, creator of Crop Circle Central] chimes in:

Thank you for forwarding this email to me, as it's helped to give me an important insight into this. This doorway to the Void is something that we all are connected to, but have too much distortion in our lives to feel/sense it under most circumstances. The reason that Gail's message is so important is because she exemplifies this gentle presence of PERFECT RECEPTIVITY that is actually a strong force field of energy. It is the female (Goddess) principle and brings balance to the action of this male-dominated world. She doesn't need to do anything other than live it. Things are happening around her in the right time so that this way of be-ing will spread like a virus without effort. She holds that template (which is definitely the nurturing aspect of the Mother Goddess), and the temptation to DO anything with it could very well distort it.

I'm exploring this dialogue from what I've experienced in sacred sexuality, and it's the most awesome energy (receptivity) that we as the feminine principle are here to bring into the world. I also see it myself as necessary to have the male/female balance present at all times to maintain this doorway undistorted. We have that balance within us, but also hold it in the physical with another vehicle of the opposite polarity. On and on into the infinite macrocosm. That's my own path becoming clearer as I stumble along...."

This also could explain why her interactions with Charles and Jonathan birthed something out of the exchange of energy. She provided an opening to the creative Source, and they helped bring this into conscious realization. What do you think?

Madam X says:

After last night's visit to a strange land [a big Hollywood party], I'm wondering how meaning can be extended in a way that would interest strangers.

I'm speechless at this new world, in an amazed way - thanks for taking me to new realms. Actually, it kind of stunned me. I haven't a thought, but I'm full of wonder. And curious to know more.

Suzanne says:

I love The Eternal History. I think it's brilliant. Can this be on the Net, and then people can send for their own beautiful artwork copy to be able to read it to friends? Also, I wonder if we can just make it the show – figure out how. Take people through the history into now.

Madam X responds:

Thanks Suzanne. I'm sure you know how grateful I am that you appreciate my work – but I truly am. Your appreciation is keeping me going. Yes, putting this on the Net is a very good idea. And let's make it the show. Yes. I was thinking this morning, we gather together the Human Beings, and share ALL TIME with them. I'm wanting to just give, to share, simply. It's what I am. It's no big deal. It's just the way it is. And I saw how the world of materialism links to my world – it's just down the road a little further. No big changes either. Just down the road. I got an order for a free GAZET today, with the following comment:
Madame X, I am an editor with the magazine Magical Blend and I received your book, Life Story, in our mail, and I loved it, especially the artistry of it. Thanks. I plan to put your Website address in our next e-newsletter. I am sending for a free sample of your Gazet so we can see what else you have written.
Fionnuala, Editor, Magical Blend Magazine
I've been sending out books, hoping for whatever. This makes me happy. Here's what I sent her:
Dear Fionnuala,

Thanks for responding, and I'm so glad you like my Life Story. I appreciate very much your plan to put my Web site address in your next e-newsletter. Thank you. I'd LOVE to send you examples of my work – in addition to the GAZET.

The Human Being Society, which you read about in the Life Story, really is growing. We've been talking about it a lot at the mightycompanions.org Website. We want to remind ourselves of our Oneness this way. Human BEING is an art we all share, and its form is the endless growth of ourselves. The HUMAN BEING SOCIETY is our place to BE and GROW, freely. We call this play, because the experience of freely being is fun. But also, in play, is contained the profound wisdom of BEING, expressing itself naturally, so we can see it, and experience it, and learn about it, and grow, in a brand new way. By welcoming one another in honesty, we learn about this nature. And by appreciating one another, we learn to care for it.

We are meeting everywhere, in every moment. And we are ALL members. There isn't anything we can't do. We are powerful beyond belief. We think, feel, and grow in every imaginable way. Yet, we are ONE.


Suzanne replies:

Magical Blend is a very decent publication. I am very happy...this is very good.

Your letter is GREAT!

Madam X writes:

I woke up this morning feeling a need to add a little explanation to my seeming unknowing about what we are doing. I might not have clear conclusions yet about what form it will take, but I am doing my research and experiments. Each small meeting with you, and everyone I meet and speak with, is adding to it.

You said I don't have to bring something to give each time. Well, it is a gift I want to bring. And it's more than a gift too. It's also an experiment. We've been talking about ways of making a meeting meaningful, interesting, and fun. How will that be? I answer questions like that for myself by experimenting. I give you a poem. I see and feel the response. I tell you something that is meaningful to me. I listen to the reaction. I show you what I see in you, in the form of a little talisman. I want to know if it will have meaning for you.

I was very interested that something I said in passing, about noticing the precious everyday moment to moment, seemed to be of interest to you, and Kim, and Bob. I had no idea that this would be meaningful. To me, this is so fundamental that I wouldn't even think about it. And when I spoke of it, I wasn't even thinking. It was just kind of an aside. So, there I saw something completely unexpected, and something valuable, too. Perhaps it will be something that will continue to be spoken of, and reported about, as time goes on.

Something else I noticed last night is that I seem to have very different needs than the rest of you. I have such a great need to see, see everything I possibly can. I always feel like I'm starving, and I can't get enough, no matter how much I consume. It seems like I just get hungrier and hungrier. I can dive into a feast and to me it's just an appetizer, though I notice that others seem ready for a nap. So, in relating – and consuming vision with others – I realize I need to be patient. And go slowly. But not so slowly that the thrill is lost. Now, you just called. And we had such a wonderful talk. I Love it that you seem, in your own way, to have a big appetite too. And you keep coming up with possibilities. It's great. And I'm very glad about Kim's response to questioning. I always seem to be asking lots of questions. It must be a part of my insatiable appetite – I want to know everything about everybody, from their own point of view, their unique experience, with their own feelings. Actually, I've spent so much time listening, that I'm better at that than I am at talking. Funny, it's always seemed more important to me to listen to other people talk. Why? I don't know. I like to talk in other ways best. Maybe it's just the newness to Humandom, and graduating from the plant kingdom, I say it best just by being it.

When you were telling me about meeting in your bedroom I was filled with the closest feelings. And I felt right away that it would make the special space, set the stage, create the intimacy of just being human. And I Love your remark about not really adding anything, but that when our humanness is allowed, we naturally enter into the Oneness that just is. You know, it could be a long time before we are able to answer our questions about what the Human Being Society is. But the living it, that we are already doing, is forming it, and as it accumulates with experience, and as memory, I think we will come to see and understand more about what we are, and what it is. These are the kinds of things that are accumulating in me, and are giving form to new and more complete expression. And this morning, I feel very very happy. And so glad to be being with you all.

And Madam X writes more...

It's been a flood here. It's been coming through me uncontrollably. My mind was like sunrise, and so many things that I had been stumbling around with, bumping into in the shadows, saw the light of day! It felt exquisite. Unlike ANYTHING else. I don't know if there is a name for this.

All the parts of me grew separately. They had only a vague awareness of one another. Like separate civilizations. With no trade routes, or cultural exchange between them.

Then suddenly, these separate civilizations in me were connected, and information was flowing between them. And all the citizens were so excited about it, and amazed at all the new things they heard about one another, and about their different ways of seeing and experiencing and describing Life. It's a whole NEW day because of this. And the resulting world view is boggling my mind.

Today is calmer – actually it's left me quite exhausted. But it's OK. And I'm looking at what I've done. It seems like only a few sentences have been changed. But the integration that those few words express took my lifetime.

Here's the latest of the Human Being Society page:

The Human Being Society emerges out of Love as a reflection of the realization that all Beings in Human form are One.

Our joining together marks the beginning of a completely different kind of Culture, based in a deep fundamental Truth, extending beyond individuality and separateness.

It is the natural growth of Being which brings us to this Oneness, and reveals to us this Truth of itself.

All of creation is One Being.

The Human Being Society is born of this Truth, and our growth is guided by it.

As we care for ourselves and each other, we are also caring for the growth of the One Being. It is our conscious purpose, our sacred responsibility, and our daily practice.

In Human life, our ability to care, and the maturity of our growth, exists in great variety. So, as members of the Human Being Society, we are very patient and understanding teachers to one another, as well as enthusiastic students.

But most importantly, we share the Love of the One Being.

And in embracing the One Love, we open the way of Eternal Being.

The Human Being Society is a step toward Eternal Culture. And even though a Human life is only a moment in Eternal Time, Humans have great potential in awareness. By continuing the development of sensitivity, awareness expands, and Human Beings grow beyond the boundary of Human Life.

Our potential is Eternal Being.

Suzanne replies:

Pretty miraculous, I'd say. Divine music to my ears. Keep singing.

Madam X writes:
Suzanne says, "perfect."

Bob says, "Thank you so much for being you and for the unique point of view you freely offer to all of us. My best wishes for your continued success and growth."

Kim says, "Thank you for the precious gift of YOU. I always grow as a result of being with you. You're a living example for me to learn from."

Diahann says, "Seems the HBS gatherings have had a lasting effect on me. There have been some interesting shifts inside of me that I can't explain exactly, but I certainly love. Here 'tis: 'Passion is the key... I want it to ooze out of everything I say and do in life. That's all that matters... how that energy flows from me to every living thing I encounter along the journey. The rest is just the excuse.' That is my greatest gift that I 'own' and don't know why I've been so reluctant to share it with the world. Have been able to feel it on my own, but that was more in my head and not grounded into the physical enough. It's all I really need to 'do' in this life. Can it really be that simple???? I guess what drew me to the HBS wasn't conscious, but some part of me was ready for this unfolding with a group of other gentle spirits that have a lot of life (and fun!). Just needed to know that I'm not alone on this journey. Thanks guys for BEING here!!"

Jim Dreaver says, "Beautifully and succinctly expressed, Madam X."
Thank you, all of you, so much. For every expression, every feeling, every insight, thought, revelation, every gift. I was thinking this morning to myself, about daring to speak and BE the truth of myself, and then experiencing response, my own and others.

I am finding this very very very enriching. It's also challenging. The extreme qualities of my own nature have made it very difficult for me, to BE in controlled and highly defined spaces (physical, mental, and spiritual). So, I've developed an attitude of openness for myself. My feelings change like the weather in some really extreme climate. It's something that has been difficult for others to understand, my whole life. But the different weather conditions don't mean that there is anything wrong, or that there is a problem.

I've noticed how things have come to be so compartmentalized. In certain places we are expected to be serious. Other places we must be reverent. Other places it's OK to joke. Maintaining the expected feeling has become such a part of our Culture, that we're embarrassed if we cry in the wrong place, or laugh at the wrong time. But I LOVE the unexpected, the freedom to BE what is in the moment. Freedom always seems to bring the unpredictable. It's good practice for me, in being responsive, flexible, and attentive. Also in being available to speak new words and new thoughts. But it's not safe. And one never knows what the result or response will be. That's my challenge.

I'm very glad if our highly unstructured and undefined and (?) meetings are meaningful. They are very meaningful to me. And your friendship, and acceptance, and gifts of the moment are wonderful blessings. I've always found profound learning in the most unexpected and unstructured places. So, perhaps we can learn a lot together, without having to know how. And it is my hope that we find a place where these separate compartments are united. Where reverence and jokes, and seriousness and absurdity, sacredness and superficial, are part of ONE BIG space. The space of our real lives.

Suzanne replies:

Sunday morning and the suits are all on TV now, as I am reading this email. A schitzy world. "This race in the final two weeks is going to get uglier...a lot meaner..." What to do but to join those with a passion for Life? Hmmm – I wonder about the two poles of that magnet circle – maybe the suits versus the souls...all part of the play in which the HBS is engaged. Let it all be where Being is.

Madam X says:

I checked out the "What Brings You to the Human Being Society" page, and I think it is a GREAT idea, another way we can communicate. And I think the honesty that comes in these reflections can have even more meaning beyond just us. These kinds of things light fires in others who read them, too. This is really Being Human. So, thank you, Kim, for your revelation. And thanks Diahann for being real and true, too. This is the ultimate. I feel honored to be with all of you, too.

Suzanne, I loved the television program with the dancers we saw last night. I found it especially meaningful to SEE those dancers expressing themselves using their bodies. And so beautifully. There was no hesitation (or conflict) about what they were doing. They were going all out for beauty, in spite of aches and pain, bunions, blisters, etc. Seeing that opened a door for me. A physical door. A facet of Humanness that I had forgotten. And then had forgotten that I had forgotten.

It's an interesting difference between artistic expression and intellectual expression. In ideas, it seems so commonly accepted to criticize or correct or argue. There is something underlying that expects them to be more than an expression, they are supposed to be the end-all of truth, so the way opens to fighting over them. I find this in the spiritual community, too. People are always correcting each other about spiritual truth. But it feels to me as if the truth of EACH unique expression, as a step in development, is being overlooked. Personally, this has felt like negation. It certainly doesn't seem to contribute to seeing what IS. Some do this with artistic expression too, but I think generally that it is just seen as it IS.

I wonder, isn't all expression really just expression?

Anyway, I Loved the expression of those dancers. I can still see them, and their great feeling. And the music they chose was so beautiful. and passionate – so full of its special and unique language describing Human Life. WOW. If all these ways of expression could only come together – all languages be spoken at once – that I would fall in LOVE with in a moment.

Inspiring and uplifting to think of possibilities that could take us higher.

Madam X says to Jim:

"Whoever enters the Way without a guide will take
a hundred years to travel a two-day journey." - Rumi

Thanks so much for your article, We Can Change the World. I understand much more about people in general from reading your words. Part of what I hear is between the lines – something of the present state and need of Humanity – which the words are addressing. I hear a clear description of the Way of growth, a pathway it may take, and a form it may become. And I see you to be a true and sincere guide for this journey.

In the past I've found myself arguing with this Way. But I'm beginning to see its value for many, many people. And just as I am seeing that each one has a unique need, and a unique expression, I'm understanding more about my own uniqueness. I used to get caught because I wasn't fitting into the teaching which ostensibly was for everyone. Now I realize that I've just found a different Way. So I'm wondering if it might be of value to you as a teacher to know about exceptions to the rule?

It's a big bite to take on both you and the great Rumi in one mouthful, but I can't help it. Because I had no guide, I ended up in new terrain. It is taking hundreds of years, yes, but time is all I have. And I have it in eternal abundance. No guide could ever have taken me there – no other guide than Life itself. By the time there are guides, the terrain has been explored and mapped. Someone must go out into the unknown, where there is no one to guide them, in order to see beyond the known and discover it and make it known. That one is guided by some deeper connection. A direct connection. And that direct connection is not something that can be taught. It is only an expression of Life. It has a different purpose. And I feel it needs to be considered.

I'm saying this to add to the teaching, not to negate it or any part of it. Guides have an important purpose, as do paths. They are part of establishing outposts and settlements and civilization and connecting worlds and bringing about communication and trade in thought and vision and possibility. But don't forget to include the anomaly – that which is outside the realm of the known and established and accepted. Because it is precisely those who explore where there is no path at all who discover the new. The new is future time.

Now I understand how these two Ways fit together, and are part of each other. And I wanted to share it with you. I am interested in knowing the thoughts and feelings of your response. Thanks again, so much, for sharing. It is quite a gift, this openness, and I am experiencing precious benefits from it. It is my hope that the benefits will overflow, so that others might experience it, too...and benefit, too.

Suzanne chimes in:

Gail, you are so sweet. And I love how fearlessly you plunge in: "It's a big bite to take on both you and the great Rumi in one mouthful, but I can't help it." Go Gail!

"I'm saying this to add to the teaching." Isn't that an interesting idea! A dialogue worth having. The next edge. Could get juicy, given the objective Jim has to tell all. I'll be your producer if we want to make something of dialogues – they could be interesting. A day in that dialogue with others there to be participatory audience would be quite an opening event for the HBS. Do it as a gala. Jim and Madam X in dialogue: Beyond Advaita.

The Conversation continues... Click here for more.

Upon this gifted age, in its dark hour,
Rains from the sky a meteoric shower
Of facts...they lie unquestioned, uncombined.
Wisdom enough to leech us of our ill
Is daily spun, but there exists no loom
To weave it into fabric...

-Edna St. Vincent Millay-

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